marks

I've found being alone isn't so bad because I have a chance to miss my husband. Not that i am alone too much, actually. Right now our boys are in school and I am home and Jack is in a fancy job in another state and he's been gone almost 2 weeks. I'm proud of him. I miss him. I love missing him.

When I have a minute to myself, like now (although i really need to take the car to get an oil change and bathe the dog and vacuum upstairs and go to the grocery store and finish grading papers) I think about the smell of his skin.

His scalp smells like dried maple leaves, but warmer, richer. I love to lie next to him and put my face into his hair and feel him against me. His cock is always hard in the mornings. Before he left we made love. We had both been so anxious getting ready for his move, getting ready to say goodbye. We just lay down and let ourselves be together. It was simple and gentle and close and loving. It's not usually like that. We usually need something different.

He's coming home tomorrow, for a long weekend. When I pick him up from the airport i could wear a coat buttoned up with nothing under it, makeup, high heels. If i don't chicken out. We could pull over to the side of the road in between little towns and fuck in the car. It's my chance to give myself to him before he takes me. When we get home i know he will make me his and it will be on his terms. God, I miss sucking his cock. He'll tell me to kneel before him and he'll press my face into his cock and let me smell it, let me put my mouth around it through his jeans.

He never lets me have it right away. He likes to tease me, make me beg for it, make me show him how badly i need him.

The cane is the best. Its sharp lines are focused so i can feel the waves of pain move through my body and funnel back into the lines. And i like the way it looks--the marks look like they feel when he is whipping me. Red and white lines. When i look at myself in the mirror i can see the pain's movement and it makes sense to me.

Not that i like being caned. I always cry, every time. When i hear his voice change, when it goes cold and calm, i feel scared, i feel alone and i know there's no way i can get out of it. He will do whatever he wants with my body because i belong to him and he needs to. It's terrifying. i never want the pain. Sometimes i get angry or i feel humiliated. Sometimes i'm just impatient because i want him inside me. I never want the pain, but i think about it: him tying me, spanking me, holding me down. It excites me to think about it. And even if i don't like it, i need it. I need to please him and i need to know i'm his. I need him to overwhelm me, to make all the thoughts go out of my head. And i need his cock inside me, in my mouth, in my pussy, in my ass.

I need his marks on me. I need them to last, because he's going to go away again on Monday and i don't know when i'll see him again.